But this is not one of those trial by media epiosoides. There is no defence for beating up a defenceless women. There is no excuse to attack anyone just because you are having an argument. Friends of mine even used the “she must have said something wrong or done something wrong to make him do it. And that friend is a women!
Its pretty simple guys (and girls) – no excuse. And if you start making an excuse then you are on your way to justification. It’s a very dangerous territory.
There is however a new dilemma. Most, myself included, cannot understand why she has gone back him? Love? The same love that hit her and strangle her? It’s quite amazing to see how this cycle of abuse plays itself out and how we don’t acknowledge that our situation will be the same.
I am willing to bet that Brown cried a lot, pleaded with her, blamed it on his past, said he cannot live without her, she is the only thing that can make him get through this and change him…etc. etc. I have never been abused but I will bet that if you have been in a similar type of relationship that this all sounds quite familiar in some way or the other.
So here is Rihannas dilemma as I see it. We all backed her 100% to leave him – move on, she deserves so much better etc. We felt for her. Hated him. But she went back.
Now presuming that the cycle of abuse is in play, there is little doubt that he will hit her again. But what does she do his time? The world saw it happen last time, the world asked her not to go back and she did.
So what will she do? This time she will remain silent. Not because she wants to maybe but because she has too. She is in the public eye. She was given her chance to make a change and didn’t so next time I might not be so sympathetic. You wont be either. Sure we will feel bad for her but not as bad as the previous time.
I now in a way dislike her for her lack of courage. She is an intelligent healthy women with amazing prospects, who has been attacked by an ill bred 19 year old whom she chooses to stand by. In an odd sense I have lost respect for her in her choice to remain with him.
And before you say “yes but maybe there were specific circumstances etc…”, if you can find a specific circumstance let me know – I for one cannot think of a reason to hit her even if she started the argument.
I feel for her. But not in the same way now as I did. It's just sad.
1 comment:
Hey Rich,
Loving your rants, you're really good! (Let me know if you'd like a proof-reader for those odd typos! ;-)) Just wanted to comment on your Rihanna Rant. Yes, I agree with you about her keeping silent the next time he hits her. It's inevitable that he will and you've hit (pardon) the nail on the head when you say she'll have no other alternative but to keep silent.
The sad part of abuse is that it is very much a two-way street. No, I'm not saying she deserved it - what I'm saying is that, in my opinion, her going back to Chris Brown indicates exactly the same low self-esteem which made her vulnerable to the abuse in the first place.
She figures he's the best she can do, that's all she's worth. People's disapproval of her going back to him is not what she needs, although it's obviously completely normal. We need to remember when women are abused it's hard for them to get out of the cycle, as the very same abuse breaks down their resistance to it each time it happens. Really what women need is unconditional support, difficult as that is.
Best I leave it here.... keep writing, it's good stuff.
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