Viv Pitt.

Am I the only one to stop and think…”Vivienne? What sort of a name is Vivienne?”

I am of course referring to Brad and Angie’s latest bout of baby making / adopting and their newborn twins Knox and Vivienne.

Something about the name just gives me no hope for the child; which is surprising given the alternatives it may have faced. Pax, Maddox and Shiloh shall never be normal names by any stretch of the imagination, but by celebrity standards they are the names, we as a Heat and People reading public, have come to expect.

In the heady world of Hollywood’s, “who-can-name-your-child-the-daftest-competition”, Vivienne comes in at a very low and pedestrian “Normal”. In fact it’s a name that we may have considered in the age of the baby-boomers to be okay, but have now tossed out, due to the fact that not only can you not name a baby “Vivienne”, but also that the name is so boring its beige; it’s on the wrong end of normal.

The Vivienne’s of the world will no doubt now all standup and tell me what a fine name it is, what it means and quote all the other famous Vivienne’s that made the world a safer place. No doubt too their husbands, probably named Boris, Heathcliffe or Rupert will also add to their war cry, but I am sorry; nothing doing. And don’t try and tell me that Richard is a beige name either. It’s a cheap argument and one that doesn’t wash – if you were planning to go that route you may be missing my point. I wasn’t, after all, born into the exotic world of Brangelina.

And it’s not that it just doesn’t work for a baby in the modern age. In a world where her contemporaries are named Tyger-lily, Apple and Harlow, Vivienne weighs in as decidedly non-celeb. Her brothers and sisters all have names with fascinating meanings or end with an X. Both ooze serious amounts of cool; now and later, when they are in high school. Baby Viv, I am sad to say, will never be able to live up to the same level of edginess.

She will be known as Viv Pitt. Her siblings however will be known in a way that we have come to know certain celebrities with only one name. Madonna, Cher and Seal to name a few. When, in the future, we talk of Pax, Maddox or Knox, no additional names will be necessary.

Ask yourself. In 10 years time if you tell someone you saw Vivienne shopping on Rodeo Drive, what will be their first reaction be?

“Oh wow, that’s so cool” or “Vivienne who?”

Just tell them Knox’s sister. The recognition will be instantaneous. And here I rest my case. Calling her Vivienne sets her apart and for the wrong reasons. It’s too normal for a celebrity child and to boring for a commoner. It lacks the identity she will need to survive in the world she has been born into.